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January 5th, 2006


02:21 am - the return of sam wade/fantabulous/douche
Reading old LJ entries is amazing. I'm happy there was a time in my life where I wrote down everything I did that day. Maybe I'll start doing that again so I can read it all when I'm older. Dwelling on the past is after all a hobby of mine. On the contrary to what I said in earlier entries here, I've come to appreciate change in retrospect. After all without change I'd still be a 240 pound Jew, and Friends would still be on TV. Christmas break went by way too fast this year, although in my opinion it was the best Christmas I've had in recent years. I got a shitload of books and DVDs that'll take awhile to read/watch. Christmas dinner was very amusing as all dinners are with my family. I can't think of anything more festive than watching Reservoir Dogs and guzzling champagne. And it appears I've finally found my first celebrity crush. Francoise Hardy's S/T album is beautiful, especially the opening track that I'm listening to now. Not to mention she was the cat's meow in the 60s. On another note, with the exception of the dropping physics ordeal, I haven't been in a bad mood all school year. Definetly a first. The desperation in my older entries is somewhat embarassing but I can only look back at that stuff fondly. I leave you with a quote that reminds me of my former self and an excerpt from a short story I'm writing.

I would've caught a fried-eyed dog to be someones lover - Jens Lekman

The early morning moon persevered with its glow, illuminating the snow-covered earth to the point where even the dirtiest of things appeared clean. Elegant two story houses draped in white curtains greeted John as he descended the driveway towards Anna’s street. With the sidewalk devoid of people, the town would have appeared desolate if not for the effulgence of Christmas decorations.
Current Mood: reflective
Current Music: Francoise Hardy - Viens

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September 2nd, 2005


01:21 am - jens always says it best
i took my sister down to the ocean
but the ocean made me feel stupid
- jens lekman
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: jens lekman - the opposite of hallelujah live

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May 14th, 2005


10:31 pm - revised
The room was dimly lit. The beige walls created a milieu conducive to reckless behavior. Expensive furniture was the only thing saving this enclave from being a run-down apartment. Scribbled paper and guitar picks draped the dirty floor. Bradley lay upon a great double-bed; a pensive mannequin fit for a high-end department store. Clutching a guitar, he fiddled with an endless amount of chord progressions that kept him up until the wee hours of the morning. Music was his main aspiration. To create something timeless is the closest one can ever get to living forever. It was not that Bradley feared death. He had come to terms with his temporal existence. It was his love of life that conjured up dreams of immortality in Bradley’s mind. His art allowed Bradley to look at human drama from a different perspective. Whenever something in his personal life went wrong, Bradley would mutter to himself, “the music comes first.” It was a comforting mantra that he didn’t really believe in, but made sense for its purpose. Recently Bradley had discovered the writings of Albert Camus. He believed in the principles of existentialism and as a result altered his perception of reality. Disregard for essence made Bradley look at everyone on the same plane. Myra Wallace lay down on Bradley’s bed resting her right arm across his torso. The warmth generating from Bradley’s body gave Myra a sense of gratification she had never felt before. Bradley propped his head up on the bead post and proceeded to express his thoughts in words. “See Myra, I don’t hate Nazis anymore. I mean, I think what they did was horrible, but they thought what they were doing was right.”
“How can you say that? You’re great-grandparents were killed in the Holocaust!”
“I know, I know, but I’m not talking about individuals here. It’s funny you bring that up though. Why should I even care? I can appreciate that if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be alive today, but otherwise why should I regard their lives on a higher plane than I regard anyone else? If life is meaningless shouldn’t that include all life?”
“To an extent, but what about our lives? It’s inevitable that you become emotionally attached to the people you’re close to. Therefore, not all life is meaningless.”
“You have a point darling, but just because life is meaningless doesn’t mean you can’t care about anything. We all need other people to help define ourselves in the midst of nothingness. Without other people who would we be?”
He had little conversations about philosophy with his girlfriend, but he never really conveyed all of his beliefs about life. To do so would be impossible, unless he could open up his head and show her all of his ideas. Often he wished he could do this, as well as show people his entire personal history. Bradley Walters had experienced a great deal of life for someone so young and he felt people would understand him more if they had lived through his trials and tribulations.

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May 13th, 2005


02:59 am - a conversation from a book i hope to write someday
He sat outside on the porch nursing his drink. “See Myra, I don’t hate Nazis anymore. I mean, I think what they did was horrible, but they thought what they were doing was right.”
“How can you say that? You’re great-grandparents were killed in the Holocaust!”
“I know, I know, but I’m not talking about individuals here. It’s funny you bring that up though. Why should I even care? I can appreciate that if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be alive today, but otherwise why should I regard their lives on a higher plane than I regard anyone else? If life is meaningless shouldn’t that include all life?”
“To an extent, but what about our lives? It’s inevitable that you become emotionally attached to the people you’re close to. Therefore, not all life is meaningless.”
“You have a point darling, but just because life is meaningless doesn’t mean you can’t care about anything. We all need other people to help define ourselves in the midst of nothingness. Without other people who would we be?”
He had little conversations about philosophy with his girlfriend, but he never really conveyed all of his beliefs about life. To do so would be impossible, unless he could open up his head and show her all of his ideas. Often he wished he could do this, as well as show people his entire personal history. The boy had experienced a great deal of life for someone so young and he felt people would understand him more if they had lived his life.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: none at the moment. but mad 2-pac all night.

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April 24th, 2005


05:35 am - the beginning of a poem, hopefully a song
Feelings linger running fingers running through her hair
Subtle whispers whisper nothing you would ever share
Lips are locking locking rooms in which your secrets lie
Secrets are like circles made concentric in your eyes
And in the ears of bournegans who practice what they preach
A hymn to all our teachers and the minds they’ll never reach
I’ve learned a lesson from the Hessians in their loyalty
We cast our nets like fisherman enamored by the sea
My love is like an hourglass the sands of time may wane
But curse the cynic and his words that render love enane
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: the hum of my computer

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April 18th, 2005


01:26 am - spring succeeds
its a good thing i have an insane memory, otherwise i might have to take pictures. spring will be fun
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic

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April 10th, 2005


08:45 pm - not so posi
the irony is now the last thing i want is love
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: none

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January 24th, 2005


03:09 pm - beck rules
damn its been awhile. life is fantabulous. i dont have much of anything to say really because not too many people ever read this. anyway the real purpose of this entry is to look back on so. hi sam, your life was at a high point here. hopefully its still that way. if not join a monastery as a cook like diane from cheers. that is all.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: beck - debra

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December 8th, 2004


01:43 am
boy has life gotten better since the last entry. last night i went cruising with mr sobieski and senor paskow in senor sobieskis car. i love my jasons. i want this school week to be over with very badly for the weekend. saturday night the electric spank is playing with pukey and other people in kurts garage. AND HEARTS KURT. neil young and cloves br1ng th3 mawsh BRAH
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: neil young - after the goldrush

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October 7th, 2004


10:00 pm
Without love life has no great reward
leaving us damaged or feeling so bored
Devoid of memories nothing to record
Wishing the ones that we adore loved us more
- Of Montreal

schools good i guess.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: neutral milk hotel - everything is

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