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January 5th, 2006
02:21 am - the return of sam wade/fantabulous/douche
Reading old LJ entries is amazing. I'm happy there was a time in my life where I wrote down everything I did that day. Maybe I'll start doing that again so I can read it all when I'm older. Dwelling on the past is after all a hobby of mine. On the contrary to what I said in earlier entries here, I've come to appreciate change in retrospect. After all without change I'd still be a 240 pound Jew, and Friends would still be on TV. Christmas break went by way too fast this year, although in my opinion it was the best Christmas I've had in recent years. I got a shitload of books and DVDs that'll take awhile to read/watch. Christmas dinner was very amusing as all dinners are with my family. I can't think of anything more festive than watching Reservoir Dogs and guzzling champagne. And it appears I've finally found my first celebrity crush. Francoise Hardy's S/T album is beautiful, especially the opening track that I'm listening to now. Not to mention she was the cat's meow in the 60s. On another note, with the exception of the dropping physics ordeal, I haven't been in a bad mood all school year. Definetly a first. The desperation in my older entries is somewhat embarassing but I can only look back at that stuff fondly. I leave you with a quote that reminds me of my former self and an excerpt from a short story I'm writing.
I would've caught a fried-eyed dog to be someones lover - Jens Lekman
The early morning moon persevered with its glow, illuminating the snow-covered earth to the point where even the dirtiest of things appeared clean. Elegant two story houses draped in white curtains greeted John as he descended the driveway towards Anna’s street. With the sidewalk devoid of people, the town would have appeared desolate if not for the effulgence of Christmas decorations.
Current Mood: reflective
Current Music: Francoise Hardy - Viens
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September 2nd, 2005
01:21 am - jens always says it best
i took my sister down to the ocean
but the ocean made me feel stupid
- jens lekman
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) happy
Current Music: jens lekman - the opposite of hallelujah live
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May 14th, 2005
10:31 pm - revised
The room was dimly lit. The beige walls created a milieu conducive to reckless behavior. Expensive furniture was the only thing saving this enclave from being a run-down apartment. Scribbled paper and guitar picks draped the dirty floor. Bradley lay upon a great double-bed; a pensive mannequin fit for a high-end department store. Clutching a guitar, he fiddled with an endless amount of chord progressions that kept him up until the wee hours of the morning. Music was his main aspiration. To create something timeless is the closest one can ever get to living forever. It was not that Bradley feared death. He had come to terms with his temporal existence. It was his love of life that conjured up dreams of immortality in Bradley’s mind. His art allowed Bradley to look at human drama from a different perspective. Whenever something in his personal life went wrong, Bradley would mutter to himself, “the music comes first.” It was a comforting mantra that he didn’t really believe in, but made sense for its purpose. Recently Bradley had discovered the writings of Albert Camus. He believed in the principles of existentialism and as a result altered his perception of reality. Disregard for essence made Bradley look at everyone on the same plane. Myra Wallace lay down on Bradley’s bed resting her right arm across his torso. The warmth generating from Bradley’s body gave Myra a sense of gratification she had never felt before. Bradley propped his head up on the bead post and proceeded to express his thoughts in words. “See Myra, I don’t hate Nazis anymore. I mean, I think what they did was horrible, but they thought what they were doing was right.”
“How can you say that? You’re great-grandparents were killed in the Holocaust!”
“I know, I know, but I’m not talking about individuals here. It’s funny you bring that up though. Why should I even care? I can appreciate that if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be alive today, but otherwise why should I regard their lives on a higher plane than I regard anyone else? If life is meaningless shouldn’t that include all life?”
“To an extent, but what about our lives? It’s inevitable that you become emotionally attached to the people you’re close to. Therefore, not all life is meaningless.”
“You have a point darling, but just because life is meaningless doesn’t mean you can’t care about anything. We all need other people to help define ourselves in the midst of nothingness. Without other people who would we be?”
He had little conversations about philosophy with his girlfriend, but he never really conveyed all of his beliefs about life. To do so would be impossible, unless he could open up his head and show her all of his ideas. Often he wished he could do this, as well as show people his entire personal history. Bradley Walters had experienced a great deal of life for someone so young and he felt people would understand him more if they had lived through his trials and tribulations.
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May 13th, 2005
02:59 am - a conversation from a book i hope to write someday
He sat outside on the porch nursing his drink. “See Myra, I don’t hate Nazis anymore. I mean, I think what they did was horrible, but they thought what they were doing was right.”
“How can you say that? You’re great-grandparents were killed in the Holocaust!”
“I know, I know, but I’m not talking about individuals here. It’s funny you bring that up though. Why should I even care? I can appreciate that if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t be alive today, but otherwise why should I regard their lives on a higher plane than I regard anyone else? If life is meaningless shouldn’t that include all life?”
“To an extent, but what about our lives? It’s inevitable that you become emotionally attached to the people you’re close to. Therefore, not all life is meaningless.”
“You have a point darling, but just because life is meaningless doesn’t mean you can’t care about anything. We all need other people to help define ourselves in the midst of nothingness. Without other people who would we be?”
He had little conversations about philosophy with his girlfriend, but he never really conveyed all of his beliefs about life. To do so would be impossible, unless he could open up his head and show her all of his ideas. Often he wished he could do this, as well as show people his entire personal history. The boy had experienced a great deal of life for someone so young and he felt people would understand him more if they had lived his life.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/thinking.gif) pensive
Current Music: none at the moment. but mad 2-pac all night.
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April 24th, 2005
05:35 am - the beginning of a poem, hopefully a song
Feelings linger running fingers running through her hair
Subtle whispers whisper nothing you would ever share
Lips are locking locking rooms in which your secrets lie
Secrets are like circles made concentric in your eyes
And in the ears of bournegans who practice what they preach
A hymn to all our teachers and the minds they’ll never reach
I’ve learned a lesson from the Hessians in their loyalty
We cast our nets like fisherman enamored by the sea
My love is like an hourglass the sands of time may wane
But curse the cynic and his words that render love enane
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: the hum of my computer
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April 18th, 2005
01:26 am - spring succeeds
its a good thing i have an insane memory, otherwise i might have to take pictures. spring will be fun
Current Mood: optimistic
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April 10th, 2005
08:45 pm - not so posi
the irony is now the last thing i want is love
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) melancholy
Current Music: none
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January 24th, 2005
03:09 pm - beck rules
damn its been awhile. life is fantabulous. i dont have much of anything to say really because not too many people ever read this. anyway the real purpose of this entry is to look back on so. hi sam, your life was at a high point here. hopefully its still that way. if not join a monastery as a cook like diane from cheers. that is all.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: beck - debra
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December 8th, 2004
01:43 am
boy has life gotten better since the last entry. last night i went cruising with mr sobieski and senor paskow in senor sobieskis car. i love my jasons. i want this school week to be over with very badly for the weekend. saturday night the electric spank is playing with pukey and other people in kurts garage. AND HEARTS KURT. neil young and cloves br1ng th3 mawsh BRAH
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: neil young - after the goldrush
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October 7th, 2004
10:00 pm
Without love life has no great reward
leaving us damaged or feeling so bored
Devoid of memories nothing to record
Wishing the ones that we adore loved us more
- Of Montreal
schools good i guess.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: neutral milk hotel - everything is
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September 28th, 2004
10:45 pm - how will i ever know you enough to love you if youre hiding who you are
been awhile since i updated. things have been pretty swell. everything at school is good now i really like the people that are around me now that werent this time last year it makes getting through the day that much easier. i turn 15 in a few hours and im not sure why im looking so forward to that. i guess i just want to distance myself from the past as much as possible. im in love with wilco and my new ipod. its cool to have all my music with me at all times so i can listen to shit i dont listen to as much like the beta band and brian eno. one thing that would be cool though is if i could happy. whenever im in a good mood im just hopeful i think theres a difference. instead of basking in a moment of happiness im always looking ahead and hoping for things to get even better. i want this to be a good year
and since im such a music fag heres my top 5 albums of the year
1. WILCO - A Ghost Is Born <--- this album is godly and almost as good as yhf in my opinion. hummingbird is one of their best songs
2. Modest Mouse - Good News for People Who Love Bad News if your too pretentious to like this album becuase its popular i feel sorry for you
3. Of Montreal - Satanic Panic in the Attic kevin barnes is god and its bullshit that lilyana saw them and i didnt. completely and utter bullshit
4. Magnetic Fields - I gay guy with a deep voice singing about his boyfriend. hellz yeah
5. Jens Lekman - When I said i Wanted To Be Your Dog an amazingly funny combination of belle and sebastian, jonathan richman, and morrissey
Honorable Mention: Elf Power - Walking With The Beggar Boys
Worst Album: hmmm its a toss up between the hanson cd and the my chemical romance cd. justine must be shooting up alot of really bad heroin to be able to listen to both.
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: neutral milk hotel - two headed boy
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September 16th, 2004
06:32 pm - you better hope to god you never see me again
quite a good rosh hashanah. jason came over last night and we partied till the break of dawn. i woke up went to lunch with tommy and bought 2 cds. nick drake - made to love magic and wilco - a ghost is born. i hid in the trunk and we picked up alec. he was fucking hilarious ill quote him on the funnier shit.
"sam is a fat little shits"
"ron didnt give me any money that fuck!"
"what the fuck would i want a toasted cookie for? im done with that sweet carbs shit...QUIZNOS NOW"
he realized someone was in the trunk so he pulled the tarp off of me and i said hi holding a sausage in my hand. amazing day. on another note i guess things do grow apart
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: nick drake - thoughts of mary jane (alternate version)
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September 15th, 2004
06:50 pm - my stepfather looks just like david bowie but he hates david bowie
schools getting better. my bloody valentine is the shit. heres a gay survey thing
tussin.
a.n.g.e.r. section
do you have a quick temper?: hellz yeah but i can be calm most the time
what do you do when you're mad?: i punch the wall when im mad enough.
what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: umm punched a deep hole in my poor wall
if you can take back time, would you have never done this?: yes my hand really hurt
ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: yeah
ever physically hurt someone when you were mad?: no
do you curse when you're mad?: yep
c.r.y.i.n.g. section
when was the last time you really cried your heart out?: a little more than 2 years ago
ever cried yourself to sleep?: same as above
ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: not really unless im watching a romantic movie with joe
ever cried over the opposite sex?: actually...no but i would have alot if i could cry
do you cry when you get an injury?: nope
do certain songs make you cry? yet again, no. although certains songs make me quite depressed
can you make yourself cry?: not unless i think about how horrible it is that john ritter died.
p.a.i.n. section
what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through?: my dads accident, end of 8th grade
what's the worst thing you've done to yourself?: mixing and blacking out at als.
what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else?: make someone cry.
ever had a painful break up?: noperoo
what about the old 'pain for pleasure'?: is that a sum 41 reference?
how depressed can you get?: very very depressed. to the point where i feel physically sick.
do you inflict pain on yourself?: if you count tolerating hanson in the car with abby than yes.
h.a.p.p.y. section
are you normally a happy person?: kind of
what can make you happy?: built to spill, and the people i care about
do you wish you were happier?: i guess so
what makes you the happiest?: yet again being with people i care about and getting that feeling you get when you write something you really love
is being happy overrated?: ...
what about being with your friends, does that make you happy?: der
can music make you happy?: yeah
l.o.v.e. section
how many times have you had your heart broken?: twice.
have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them?: yes and i say that sincerely
did you ever love a guy/girl, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' as a reply?: not quite.
have you ever fallen for a friend?: yeah it sucks.
ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made you cry?: hurting yes.
has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?: yeah
ever been in love?: without a doubt yes
ever stopped a relationship because they didn't say 'i love you'?: haha never been given the oppurtunity
h.a.t.e. section
who do you actually hate?: jews
ever made a hit list?: im afraid not but i did want to be in the mafia when i was younger
have you ever been on a hit list?: definetly.
are you a mean bully?: uh maybe i was at one point
what kind of people do you hate?: people who are dicks but believe theyre good christians. people that listen to shitty music.
do you hate any one that breaks your heart?: nah its not their fault.
do you hate George Bush?: nah hes horrible but i dont hate him with a passion.
s.e.l.f.e.s.t.e.e.m. section
is your self-esteem extremely low?: yeah
do you believe in yourself?: yeah
do you think you're pretty? only when i dress up like a cowboy
ever wanted to kill yourself because you thought you weren't good enough?: no
are you happy with who you are?: yes
do you wish you can be someone else?: not really. although itd be cool to be jim o rourke.
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: the sleepy jackson - good dancers
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September 6th, 2004
05:42 am
good past couple of days. i came to some realizations and what not. justines birthday party was funny jeff came. me joe abby and jeff went to a diner after for like an hour and a half that was hot. yeah i havent slept im not sure why. by popular demand of course here are my top 5 favorite songs of the moment.
gastr del sol - black horse
cake - satan is my motor
the zombies - shes not there remixed by malcolm mclaren
neu! - super
prince - i would die 4 u
i wonder if anybody reads this anymore.
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: the flaming lips - race for the prize
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August 15th, 2004
04:09 am
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